I remember once, when I was only able to tell someone that I liked him, only in the case I wanted to go into a relationship. It was a huge step, with a lot to lose. Then I grew up.
I’ve been having a lot of crushes throughout my life. Some of them were girls, other, were boys. But, whatever the sex or gender those were, by the moment I started to have some feelings for them, I assumed an astonishing fact. I was in love, and I should work hard to be with him (or her, long time ago). Now I know, that I actually is not a big deal.
You may like pineapple ice cream, noodles or take long and hot showers. That drama TV series on Netflix, cloudy days, or even had an internal fight of carmine versus vermillion. So, possibly tomorrow, next week, or next year you may change your mind. You would prefer ginger lemon ice cream, sushi, cold showers, a comedy on TV, summer and… not decided between carmine and vermilion, but, you will be aware of the change. So, under that concept, you can like a lot people, but even so, you’ll probably don’t want to go into a relationship with any of them. Why? Simple, liking someone, or even love them it’s not a synonym of relationship. Neither an absolute truth, or a fixed point in time and space.
I assume we grew up with the stereotypical Disney / Hollywood cliche of a man and a women on a single story can’t do anything but get together by the end. Because, we assume, if they like each other, they do must love each other. With wedding and kids. All the package.
Well, that’s bullshit.
I like some guys, and possibly they do like me. We should be a couple because of that? Involving all the investment to make it viable. Time, money and so much patience. That, with time could ruin the relationship, and be irrecoverable. Can you prefer losing someone, screwing things up, because of your selfishness?
I believe a part of growing up emotionally, it’s knowing you can’t get everything you want, only because you want so. And more of less than that, it is accepting the fact you don’t need to be with someone to be happy. People are not made to fix your holes. They don’t need or should be exactly the person you like — as reaching your expectation. They are human beings, exactly like you. Made of flesh and bones. With past, present and a future. People rich of history, who has expectations too. May I add something too? There’s big chances you’ll be not reaching their expectations, and that’s okay.
You don’t have to be on the taste of everyone. And that’s okay too.
And finally. We all have been suffering of tragic past history. You don’t need to scrub that in the face of the person you just met, and do that in any opportunity you have, just because ‘you don’t want to pass through the same shit again’. Believe me, nobody wants that.
P.D.: Thanks C.G. for this good wisdom.